Freudian fowls (oneshot)
by vala411
Summary: Dagur learns why he shouldn't get in the way of women and their 'One True Pairing'. This is Toothcup (Human Toothless/Hiccup) If you don't like don't read.


**Freudian fowls**

 **AN: One Thanksgiving fic coming up. I couldn't resist.**

 **This is Toothcup. Human Toothless x Hiccup. If you don't like then don't read. It's been awhile since I did this pairing. Enjoy!**

"Turkeys….. Turkeys….. So many turkeys…." Dagur mumbled terrified as he rocked back and forth on the couch of his shrink, Alvin the Treacherous.

"I see" Alvin said as he wrote something down on his notepad.

"No you aren't listening!" Dagur shouted as he got up from the couch and shook Alvin by his shoulders. "Those birds are vicious! I don't care how tasty they are. They are vicious I tell you!"

"I see." Alvin said evenly as he took hold of Dagur and led him back to the couch.

"Can't you say anything besides I see?!" Dagur asked a little annoyed.

"We are here to find a cure for your Meleagrisphobia." Alvin stated as he looked at Dagur. He still remembered when the young man came into his office and shrieked like a little girl upon seeing some of his Thanksgiving decorations. Alvin had to hide the plush turkeys whenever they had an appointment.

"Meleawhat?!" Dagur asked.

"Your irrational fear of turkeys." Alvin stated before taking his seat again. "Now why don't we discuss why you have this fear." He hoped that they could get to that part today. The last sessions were spent with Dagur prowling around the room looking for any turkeys. It was only recently that they could talk and Alvin wanted to get to the bottom of this. He also wanted to put his plush turkeys back up, they were nice and soft but he would never admit that out loud.

"It is not irrational." Dagur protested. "If it wasn't for that band of harpies I wouldn't even be this afraid!"

Alvin lifted a brow in curiosity. Now they were getting somewhere. "Can you tell me why this 'band of harpies' is responsible?" He asked. In his mind he was going over the possibility of his patient being delusional.

"Because I apparently pissed them off." Dagur mumbled, crossing his arms in a huff, as he was looking around the now turkey free office.

"And how did you piss them off?" Alvin asked intrigued, his pen was poised over the notebook.

"Apparently you should not get in the way of women and their matchmaking interests." Dagur whined. "I can't believe that my own sister was involved!"

"Would you be willing to elaborate?" Alvin asked. "I will need to know the series of events that have led you to this point."

"Oh well I guess if it can cure me." Dagur mumbled as he laid back on the couch. "Now this started a couple of weeks before Thanksgiving…"

 **-Flashback-**

It was a sunny afternoon in the college town of Berk. There was a tiny cafe, called The Forge, across from Berk University that sadly wasn't frequented a lot due to the giant Starbucks not so far away, but all those who frequented it became loyal customers. The Forge was run by an old barista named Garry, but the regulars affectionately all called him Gobber.

It was now rush hour and the only time that the cafe was reasonably packed. Several booths and plush chairs had been taken by the tired students as the smell of coffee beans permeated the air. It was in one of those booths that two students were busy with their papers. One was a blond who had her hair in a braid along her back. On her nose rested a pair of black rimmed glasses while she was typing away furiously on her laptop. Her auburn haired companion would have felt sorry for her laptop if he wasn't busy trying to get his paper done as well.

"UUGH" Astrid growled before banging her head on the table.

"You know that isn't going to get your work done faster." Hiccup mumbled as he kept typing.

"I can't take it anymore." Astrid growled lowly.

"Surely it can't be so bad." Hiccup peeked up from the thick law book he was reading. "What was it about again?"

"The Development of bioanalytical techniques for mode of action studies of tumor-inhibiting metal complexes." Astrid recited monotonously. "Sometimes I really hate being a Chemistry major."

Hiccup thought back to the unfortunate state of one of the labs on campus. Apparently Astrid's cooking didn't just stop with cooking. Basically anything that involved mixing, fire and various substances could be a lethal weapon in her hands. "You're doing fine." He told her. "Now I have this rapport to finish for my Legal writing class…."

Astrid suddenly sat up straight and quickly reached into her purse to apply some make up after the small bell above the door jingled. "What are you doing?" Hiccup asked as he was now staring at cherry red lips. Astrid leaned forward slightly. He knew that pose from when she was about to reveal some juicy bit of gossip. "He's here!" She squealed quietly.

"Who is?" Hiccup asked confused. Astrid discreetly pointed towards someone. Hiccup turned and raised a brow as he saw that Tallon Night had walked into the cafe. He was the most eligible bachelor on campus if rumors were to be believed. Hiccup saw several groups of women, previously worn out from morning classes, quickly fix their face before batting their lashes at Tallon. Hiccup clearly didn't get it. He had to admit the guy was good looking, especially dressed in motorcycle leathers, but he for the life of him couldn't understand how more than half the campus female population just went gaga. There were other rumors about Tallon Night as well. Some said he was part of a biker gang, and another said that he once knocked a guy's teeth out when he so much as looked at him funny. That was how Tallon got the nickname Toothless. Hiccup just let out a sigh before going back to his book. He loved Astrid like a sister but he couldn't figure out why she liked the bad boy types so much.

"Oh my gosh he's at the counter." Astrid blushed before acting like she was working. "And he looked over here!" Hiccup merely nodded as he immersed himself in his law book. He often wondered what his life would have been like if Astrid had never burned down her first lab. He had been there to put out the fire on her labcoat and the rest was history. They became great friends. "Oh Thor he's coming over here!" Astrid scrambled to look busy. "How do I look?" She asked. Hiccup not looking up from his book hummed approvingly as he scribbled down some notes. A shadow cast over them and Hiccup heard a male voice, Tallon's most likely, say "Hey how are you doing? I know you don't know me but I was wondering if we could go out to dinner sometime."

Hiccup at first didn't look up. But when he didn't hear Astrid's telltale squealing, sputtering, or her making a fool of herself in front of her crush, he looked up. It was then that he noticed that the entire cafe had gone deathly quiet. He looked to Astrid who was sitting there with her mouth hanging open before he looked to the one who had approached their table. It was indeed Tallon Night and he was leaning over Hiccup slightly. And he was looking directly at Hiccup with a smile. And then it clicked. Tallon Night had just asked him out. Him. Hiccup. The nerdy Law student. Him. Hiccup at first didn't know what to say. He started to blush slightly then he stammered as he saw Tallon waiting for his answer. All the women in the cafe were watching either with incredulous or shocked looks.

"Uhm…. I….. uhm…" Hiccup stammered before he blurted out "I don't know." He was still blushing as he noticed Tallon's grin fall slightly.

"Well if you do know…." Tallon said before grabbing one of the many pens on the table. He scribbled a number on the top page of Hiccup's notebook. "Give me a call." he said in a sultry voice that shouldn't have affected Hiccup. Tallon left with a wink and the cafe burst into a house of gossip as Hiccup sat stiffly at the table unsure of exactly what had transpired. Astrid got him out of his thoughts by kicking his good leg.

"OUCH" Hiccup hissed. He now knew why women wore heels. "What was that for?!"

"You don't know! You don't know!" Astrid hissed. "You just rejected one of the hottest guys I've ever seen. And I can guarantee that he is hot."

"Astrid did you steal my binoculars again?" Hiccup asked dryly.

"That is not the point!" Astrid hissed. "Tallon almost never asks anyone out. The last person he asked was Elsa Arendelle!"

"I know. I know." Hiccup mumbled. Almost everyone had heard about those two dating. The badass biker and the resident ice-queen made for an odd couple. "I still don't get why you kicked me though. I thought you'd be happy. It means you girls will have a chance with him still." he reasoned and then slightly blushed as he remembered Tallon leaning over him.

Astrid let out a frustrating growl before saying "That isn't the point."

"Then what is?" Hiccup asked.

"Don't you like him as well?" Astrid leaned forward slightly. A smirk was adorning her features. "I saw you checking him out. Don't deny it."

"Alright so I might have looked." Hiccup mumbled. "That doesn't mean anything."

"Really Hiccup." Astrid muttered. "How long are you going to keep being in denial."

"I am not in denial." Hiccup sputtered. He knew what Astrid was going on about. She had been watching him like a hawk last summer.

"Well you sure weren't in denial when you were checking out the cabana boys at our hotel." Astrid smirked as she saw her friend blushing like a strawberry.

"That… I… Uhm….." Hiccup sputtered.

"Look how about this. You call Tallon up. Tell him you'll get dinner with him and you explain about all of this." She suggested.

"I don't know Astrid."

"Either you go on this date with Mr. Hot and Smouldering Hunk or I start making perfumes in your dorm room."

"You wouldn't!" Hiccup exclaimed. He remembered when Astrid tried to make her own perfume once. She ended up setting her curtains on fire. There wasn't even supposed to be fire involved.

 **-End Flashback-**

Alvin was scribbling down some notes when he looked up and asked "How does this relate to your fear of turkeys?"

"I'm getting to it!" Dagur stated as he rubbed his hands together. "I'm just setting the mood."

"Right." Alvin mumbled. "We only have an hour left for this session you know."

"Yeah yeah!" Dagur mumbled as he continued the story.

 **-Flashback-**

Toothless parked his motorcycle in the parking lot of a diner in town. He went over in his head what had happened in the cafe and mentally kicked himself for being so tactless. He opened the door to the diner and went to sit down at one of the tables that was already occupied by a group of women. Toothless let out a groan and flopped his head on the table.

"Didn't go as you hoped?" Elsa, the platinum blond, asked as she nibbled on a chocolate chip cookie.

"What do you think Els?!" Toothless groaned. "Why did I ever listen to you?! The guy was like a deer caught in the headlights and all I got was an 'I don't know'!"

"There there. Don't worry." Rapunzel, a blond with extremely long blond hair, mumbled sympathetically. "I'm sure it will all work out."

"Are ya crazy?" Merinda, a red haired tomboy, spoke. "He just got rejected by his crush. He don't need ya sympathy. He needs ice cream and lots of it."

Toothless looked up and at the women who for some reason had been playing matchmaker for him. "I doubt that this is over." Heather said and Mala and Camicazi on either side of her nodded in agreement.

"True." Elsa agreed as she slapped her sister's hand away from her cookies. "We still have our mole, so there is still a chance."

"What are you talking about. What mole." Toothless mumbled as he looked at her with suspicion. "You seriously sound like some spy right now."

"Well this matchmaking does take some finesse." Anna, the strawberry blond, mumbled. "We have converted as many as we could.

Toothless now looked at the group of girls perplexed. "What in Thor's name are you talking about?!"

"Our fanclub of course." Merinda stated. "We call it the Toothcup club."

"THE WHAT!" Toothless shouted.

"Toothcup… you know… Toothless-Hiccup….." Anna tried to explain. "We couldn't think of a better pairing name."

"It doesn't help that you two would look good together." Heather commented.

"They would look hot together." Camicazi mumbled as she got a mischievous spark in her eyes.

Toothless watched the women around the table. "How many are there in this club exactly?"

"Well besides us, there are Ruffnut and Tuffnut from the engineering department. Hiccup's cousin who is a music major." Rapunzel summed up as Toothless' eyes widened. "We have most of the campus clubs on our side as well as your parents and let's not forget our inside man."

"WAIT WHAT!" Toothless now did shout. "My parents!"

The women nodded. "When?" Toothless asked as he gaped at them. They had promised to help him win over his crush. He didn't think it would turn into a giant covert op.

"I believe it was when we split up." Elsa mumbled as she thought. "I do believe right after you confessed to liking Hiccup. Your mom was listening at the door hoping you'd finally get some action."

"They want grandbabies you know." Anna laughed at Toothless' flustered expression.

"Oh…..Thor!" Toothless groaned before banging his head on the table again.

The doorbell jingled and the women who were facing door groaned. "Don't look now but my idiot brother is here." Heather commented.

"Well if it isn't my handsome hunk!" Dagur exclaimed before hugging Toothless. "How are you today darling?"

"Will you stop calling me darling!" Toothless snapped and got out of the hug. "Why are you even here?"

"What? Can't I say hi to my future boyfriend?" Dagur asked while looking slightly hurt.

"You aren't my future anything." Toothless growled. "Just an annoying stalker."

"We shall see." Dagur laughed as the women paid and walked out with Toothless. They were all shooting him glares but he didn't care. "We shall see indeed." Dagur mumbled to himself before laughing maniacally. "All I need to do is get rid of the competition."

 **-End Flashback-**

Alvin stopped taking notes as he looked at his patient. "And where did this obsession stem from?"

"I thought you wanted to know about the turkey thing." Dagur waved him off.

"Well you just admitted to being obsessed over someone." Alvin told him.

"That isn't important now doc. I need this bird thing cured." Dagur mumbled. "If it weren't for those meddlesome women."

"Very well then." Alvin sighed. "I'm sure we'll be having more sessions in the future to talk about this. Continue."

 **-Flashback-**

Hiccup had done what Astrid had asked and called Tallon up. He told Tallon that he would like to go out with him and that he was slightly nervous because this was his first date. Not his first date with a guy, but his first date in general. Sometimes Hiccup wished that he hadn't been such a nerd in Highschool. He hardly had any experience in the dating scene.

When Astrid heard that he had accepted the date she smiled at him brightly before raiding his closet, which hadn't yielded anything date worthy to wear. Astrid huffed at all the sweater vests and khakis before yanking Hiccup out of the door and towards the nearest mall. There she had proceeded to use him like her personal Ken doll before finally settling on an outfit. That was how Hiccup now found himself standing in front of a fancy four star restaurant dressed in an emerald green shirt and black dress pants. Astrid had tried to tame his auburn hair but it ended up more mussed than was possible. She even mumbled that he looked like he'd recently been shagged which made Hiccup turn beet red.

Toothless was ecstatic when he had received Hiccup's call and squealed in delight when he had a date. He was however surprised when Hiccup mentioned that this would be his first date ever. He wondered how no one had noticed the adorkable cute law major yet. 'Yes he used adorkable' His mind laughed. He was picking up a lot of slang from Rapunzel. He called the girls immediately after that and was surprised that they already knew. Elsa said she and the others were on their way to raid his closet. So now here Toothless was, getting off his bike which he parked near the restaurant. He smiled when he saw Hiccup waiting for him. He nervously straightened his clothes before grabbing the red rose Elsa had insisted he bring.

Meanwhile on several rooftops and bushes surrounding the restaurant, several women lay in wait. "Icy we have confirmation." Came over the radio as Elsa used a pair of binoculars to watch Toothless give the rose to Hiccup. "I'm reading you loud and clear Arrow." She smiled and glanced at Merinda who was safely hidden in a tree nearby.

"Are the others in position?" Elsa asked. Several 'Ayes' could be heard over the radio.

"Don't you dare screw this up Hiccup." Came from next to Elsa. She looked up to see Astrid there with her own set of binoculars.

"Uhm…. we may have a problem." Came over the radio.

"Scratch that we have a problem."

"Rogue this is Valkyrie. State your reason. We had agreed on radio silence when they entered the restaurant." Astrid spoke into her own radio.

"My idiot brother is creeping around." Heather mumbled over the com.

"He's beginning to get on my nerves." Elsa responded.

"What do you want us to do?" Mala asked from her hiding place in the telephone booth across the street.

"I say we teach him a lesson." Astrid ground out. "Rogue, Queen can you take him out?"

"Aye" Came over the com. "Get the car ready. We'll take him to the twins, They should know what to do with persistent stalkers."

Elsa nodded before she told the others to keep watch over the ongoing date. Heather and Mala had meanwhile subdued a squirming Dagur and loaded him up in the trunk of Anna and Elsa's car.

 **-End Flashback-**

"Well this sure is interesting." Alvin said as he looked at his watch. It was almost time to end the session. "But it still doesn't explain what they did to make you fear turkeys so much."

"I'll tell you what they did!" Dagur shouted as he sat up. "They locked me inside a shipping container filled with turkeys!"

"I see" Alvin mumbled as he quickly scribbled something down.

"I was in there for two days!" Dagur whined. "I was shipped all the way to Florida!"

"I'm sure we can work through these issues in our next sessions." Alvin said as he stood up. "We are sadly out of time today."

Dagur nodded before he headed out of the office. Alvin let out a sigh when the door closed and proceeded to pull out the plushy turkey from its hiding spot.

"Alvin I forgot my man purse." Dagur said as he opened the door again. He saw the turkey toy in Alvin's hands and screamed like a little girl. Alvin let out a sigh before telling his secretary to stall his next client.

 **The End**


End file.
